As I sit here after rinsing out yet other onesie because my child decided to explode – again – I realize that Poopslosions deserve far more attention than Poop, Puke, and Pushing out Farts gave them.
Before I had kids, I knew babies pooped.
I knew they pooped a lot.
Hell, I even knew that there were kids that would try (and succeed) to paint with their poop.
I also knew that poop was going to be a big part of my life. That I would be (and am) constantly checking texture, color, consistency, frequency… potency – the list goes on and on (and on). I knew that I would probably get pooped on. That my kid might poop in the tub. That he would likely poop as I am trying to change his poopy diaper.
I didn’t expect how many explosions I would be cleaning up.
In fact it’s almost daily.
At first I thought that maybe it was the size of diaper we were using, maybe even the brand – but nope. The poopsplosions still happened.
And then I figured it was his diet. So I started paying VERY close attention to what he was eating and then I figured maybe it was my diet and I started playing close attention to what I was eating? But NOPE – diet change didn’t make the poop change – at least not the exploding part.
And then it was time to see my doctor – who suggested a POOP SAMPLE!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A POOP SAMPLE FROM A BABY??
Especially one who explodes.
So there I am attempting to spoon poop from a diaper into a tiny canister filled with a small amount of liquid. And as you can imagine, that didn’t really work.
So what does one try next?
Yup, the same plastic wrap you use for your lunches and your leftovers. The young lady at the lab suggested that I line his diaper with plastic wrap – that it was what most moms did when they needed to collect a poop sample. So I tried it. I put my kid in a diaper lined with plastic wrap.
Do you want to know what happened next?
You know the primary function of a diaper is to absorb the messes your kid makes, right? Do you know what happens when you take away the diapers ability to ABSORB by lining it with plastic wrap?
You know what happens.
POOP GETS EVERYWHERE!!
and I mean everywhere.
All over his clothes. All over his exersaucer. All over the floor. All over the bathroom – because how else are you gonna clean up – wipes certainly aren’t going to do the trick.
So did I get enough poop collected for a sample?
Yup, I sure did.
I got it by using a spoon while cleaning up the disaster that was left in the wake of the poop-ocalypse that my child created.
And no, in case you were wondering, there is nothing causing this much poop to come out of my little human. It just happens to be how he poops. I will just chalk it up to being another one of those “joys” of parenting. Do you have any adventures in poop you’d like to share? Because I certainly would love to hear them.